I saw da bunny tonight! But I killed him a while back, so dat means...he is a zombunny!

No, Alfa Male, I am not bringing you sticks because I want to play. I want you to take da wood and board up da windows so da zombunny does break in. Because if he does that he will want to eat all my fud!

Be vigil ants, peepul! Beware da zombunny!

( may be too grross for some peepul )

A few nights ago, I came into da house from my evening walkie, and Alfa Female noticed I was really happy. She asked Alfa Male why I looked so hoppy.

I said I could tell her why I was so hoppy, so I sung a song!

I squished da Bunny
Now please give me a doggy treat! oh!
I squished da Bunny
Now please give me a doggy treat! oh!
Yeah! all around in my home town,
He was hopping around;
Alfa Male said he'd bring me in
For a yummy doggy treat,
For the munch of a doggie treat.
And I say:

Oh, now, now. oh!
I squished da Bunny - da Bunny.
(I swear it was by da wrought-iron fence.)
Ooh, ooh, oo-oh yeah!
I say: I squished da Bunny - da Bunny.
(I swear it was by da wrought-iron fence.)
Yeah! (ooh, ooh, oo-oh) yeah!

I always hated dat Bunny,
For what, I dont know:
Every time Alfa Female plant a seed,
He ate it before it grow -
He ate dem before they grow.
And so:

Read it in the news:
I squished da Bunny - da Bunny.
(I swear it was by da wrought-iron fence.)
Where is my doggy treat? (oo-oo-oh)
I squished da Bunny - da Bunny.
(I swear it was by da wrought-iron fence.)

Walkies came my way
And I started on my rounds, yeah!
All of a sudden I saw da Bunny brown
Aiming to hop around down,
So I jumped - I jumped - I squished him down and I say:
I am glad da Bunny is gone away.

I squished da Bunny
But I still don't see my doggy treat,
I want my doggy treat (oh, no-oh), oh no!
I squished da Bunny. I did!
But I still don't have a doggy treat. oh! (oo-oo-ooh)

Reflexes had got the better of da Bunny
And what is to be must be:
Every day the bucket a-go a well,
One day the bottom a-go drop out,
One day the bottom a-go drop out.
I say:

I - I - I - I squished the Bunny.
Lord, give me my doggy treat. Yeah!
I - I squished da Bunny
Because I am a good doggie! Yeah! Yeah!

I was so proud of squishing da Bunny, and so proud of my song. But den Alfa Male reminded me dat Alfa Female can't hear, so I had to write dis down for her.

I squished da Bunny!

I am not totally shur on the date, but I will be seven years old on my birfday!

People see me on the street, and ask how old I am, and da Alfas tell dem that I am seven, and dey say "he looks so young!"

I have some white fur on my chin, but I am looking pretty good. I saw a better looking dog than me once, and I barked at him-but then I realized I was looking into a meeror.

For my birfday, I got lots of good fud. I am hoppy.

Alfa Female made Sweetish meatballs de udder day, and she put some of the Sweetish meatball sauce on my fud.

Oh, it was good! It made me want to move to Sweeten. Even if I would have to start saying "bjårk" instead of "bark," it would be worth it if dey put that sauce on my fud.

But I would not want to have to move to Iceyland. I would have to say "bjærk", and dere is no sauce. Just bits of shark dat tastes like da mop. Dat would not be good.

Alfa Male took me for a walk last night. We got to my favorite place to poop-da park.

There was a horrible creature in the park. It has a cottony tail, and it hops.

A bunknee was in my park. I pointed and Alfa Male ran with me to where da bunny was. Da bunny hopped away. But not far away-he went about 10 feet away and was very still.

I barked and pulled on my leesh, and Alfa Male went with me again. Da bunny hopped away about 10 feet.

It was like he wasn't dat scared of me! I chased him out of my park. Next time I will catch him and make him into fud.

Maybe he is da Eatster Bunny. Eatster is done, though, so if I catch him he won't have all sorts of treets. But maybe he will have ham. If he gives me da ham I will let him off with a warning.

Books are funny tings. The Alfas have lots of them, and some of them have really interesting smells. Sometimes I lick dem.

I don't like da stories in most of them, though. Alfa Male likes to read dis red book that is about some small people who go wandering around with dis ring, and then they complain about not having food, and dis odder mean small person named Golly-M who follows dem, and den they throw da ring into a big place full of fire, and then dat's it.

Dat is a boring story. And not just because dere are no doggies in it!

But Alfa Male brought a book back from da librrary today dat I liked. It was all about a Vizsla who tries to tell his peepul about all da scary tings in da neighborhud.

Pay attention, Alfa Male! When I wake you up at 2 in da morning, I am warning you about the skwerl commandos hopping in da trees. And I want to go to pee-but you need to look out for da skwerl commandos when you take me out.

All of you peepul should read dat book. It is a good book. It should get da author a Nobel Pawrize for Literature.

Hey skwerls, do you want some acorns? I here dat you guys can't find acorns. It's like some really smart doggie has hidded a lot of acorns so you have to come to his place to get acorns...or to get eated, ha ha ha!

Mmm, acorns are tasty.

I was watching da news, and I saw a story about a doggy that ran into a shark! The doggy's person saved him.

I think Alfa Male needs to prove he can do da same. He should go to da See, and swim until he finds a Great Bite Shark. Den he should beat da shark up and drag it back. Alfa Female and me will stay on da land, far from da Great Bite Sharks. And when Alfa Male is done, I will have lots of fish to eat.

Alpha Male likes to play a game made by the first B to go into space:it is all about da early days of space travel.

But it is incompleet, becuase dere are no doggie astronauts in it! Before peepul went into space, they sent doggies and monk-keys.

I wish I could be a space doggie, but first I have to take a nap.....

Ground control to Major Dog
Ground control to Major Dog
Eat your fud and put your helmet on

Dis fud is terrible! It is all goopy and..hmm, it tastes like chick-hen mixed with beef. I was wrong-dis fud is good.

Ground control to Major Dog
Commencing countdown, engines on
Check ignition and may gods love be with you

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five,
Four, three, two, one, liftoff

Oh, liftoff was not fun. It felt like it does when Alpha Male hits the gas petal in da car, except worse.

This is ground control to Major Dog
You've really made the grade
And the papers want to know whose swedders you wear
Now its time to leave the capsule if you dare

I dare! Becuz I really need to go outside!

This is Major Dog to ground control
I'm stepping through the door
And I'm floating in a most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today

Hmm-I have never seen dat stuff turn into spheres and float away before. Space is weird! But dere are no skwerls or bunnies here, so it is good, too.

For here
Am I sitting in a tin can
Far above da world
Planet earth is blue
And now I will poo

Though I'm past one hundred thousand miles
I'm feeling very still
And I tink my spaceship knows which way to go
Tell Alpha Female I love her very much

She knows!

I know she knows, but I have seen her in a few hours, and dat is furever. Who will lick her chin if I am not there? Alpha Male does that sometimes, but when he does, Alpha Female makes a face and den wipes it off right away.

Ground control to Major Dog
Since we're leaving you up there, it's time we'regone!
Can you hear me, Major Dog?
Can you hear me, Major Dog?
Can you hear me, Major Dog?

Leaving me up here? Did they do that to Laika? I don't think so. Oh, wait, they did! Dis is not goo.

Here am I floating round my tin can
Far above the moon
Planet earth is blue
And theres nothing I can do.
except hit the reentry button
I'll be down in a jiff, make me some mutton

Reentry is scarier den going up! I felt very sick to my tummy-but I saved dat until I saw da head of NASAA (National Aeronautics and Skwerl Abatement Administration), and den I puked on him. Dat's what you get for trying to leave doggies in space!

...Oh, dat was a weird dream. No more Frosty Paws before bed for me!

Sir Wags just doesn't understand things like I do!

There are horrible, fierce beasts invading his backyard, flapping their wings of evil as they go.

"Butterfly." What a nice sounding name-and what an evil reality! I keep warning Sir Wags' people about them, and they just think it's funny.

It's not funny at all, I tell you! Some of them are basically flying poison! They must be stopped!

If no one else will stand and point out the truth, I will! Because I am a pointer, and that is my job.

I have to go-someone is eating food, and I am going to convince them to give me some.

The Alphas have a lot of furends. One of them is the brown curly-haired lady. She has two peepul puppies named Gillian and Elliot. She lives with her mate in Florida, along with their doggie who used to try to beat me up when I was a puppy.

I like the brown curly-haired lady. She is nice!

Her litter was all girls, and she has a sister who is named after a birdy, and mate who is named after the color of my coat: Rust. I like the Birdy lady and Rust, but they have a doggie! That is Banana dog. They have a peepul puppy, too: her name is Isabeau.

Sunday, all of dose peepul came over with Banana dog! It was a lot of fun. I played with Banana dog and the peepul puppies! Dey are all nice peepul puppies. They stroke my coat, call me pretty, and they flapped my ears the way I like 'em flapped.

Banana dog is a good looking doggie-almost as good looking as I am on days where I'm not trying really hard.

I had fun! I hope those peepul and Banana dog come to visit again soon!

The Alphas packed stuff in da thing with wheels, and took me with. It was not so fun. Da AC in da thing with wheels is not working, so da windows are open. That was fun for a bit, because I could stick my head out da window, but we went on an Echspressway, and there was too much wind for me.

We drove for a while and then we went on two nin dee. Alpha Male hates two nine dee-he says it is always crowded and slow. He started barking and using funny words when we went on two nine dee.

But I was able to stick my head out with no problem,, I like two nine dee!

Two nine dee took us to Mary Ann's house. Her peepul are on a vacation, so Alpha Male and Alpha Female are watching her.

We played and ran around.

Dere is a kitty in this house, too. Mary Ann says the kitty does not want to play, but I tried to get it to play with me. I play bowed and wagged my tail and said "Be my fur-end, kitty!" The kitty said nothing, and moved away from me. Dat is sad. I like kitties.

ALpha Male fudded me, and Mary Ann was jealous. She wants my fud! I did not give her any, but I let her lick da bowl.

We will stay here for a week! I am hoppy.

Alpha Male is trying really hard to get me to obey.

You want me to obey? Hah!

Alpha Male is really fat
compared to Alpha Female he's not all that!
But if she's not around
I'll play with him on the ground
Alpha Female always comes first
but Alpha male is not da wurst.
Mmm, wurst.

Alpha Male, I will roll over if you give me wurst. Or a milk bone!

Hoppy Eatster! I know some peepul celebrate anudder howliday, but I forget the name of it. But hoppy udder holiday too!

On Eatster, da Eatster bun-knee comes hopping around to give peepul baskets full of fud.

I am going to catch him this year. Den I can make him fud. Dat will make the Alphas mad, but I think Alpha Male will forget he is mad when he sees all da fud lying around. Den he will eat it and be hoppy, and Alpha Female will be hoppy, too.

Dere are places where doggies can be da Mare.

If a doggie can be da Mare, why can't a doggie be Pawresident?

I was thinking that I would tell peepul to vote for one person for Pawresident, but then I found his first name was "Barack," not "Bark."

I am thinking now dat I can be Pawresident. I have a simple platform.

1. Declaration of war on skwerls.
   
2. All bun-knees will be deported to New Mexico, and we will build a big bunny proof fence on da boreder with New Mexico, so de bun-knees will stay dere.
   
3. A lot of munny will be spent on doggie treats.
   
4. We will put a chicken in every doggies' fud bowl and a dog park behind every garage. Doggies who don't live in places with garages will be given one.
   
5. I believe in change-so da law will say that doggie wadder bowls must be changed every few hours.
   
6. No tacks! Tacks hurt when you step on dem, so read my lips, no tacks!
   
7. Skunks will be against da law!
   
8. Peepul worry dat dey are getting too fat. So peepul will have a little less fud, and doggies will get more.
   

I am not sure whether I should run as a Dogocrat or a Repawblican. Maybe both! But vote for me in November, and I promise to lick your chin!

I have to wear boots in da winter.

I do not like da boots. Dey make my pheet fell funknee, and I like to kick them off so my feet can be fur-ree.

So I feel sorry for the Poleese doggies in Germyland. It's bad enough dey have to wear spiky hats, now they must wear boots.

( picher )

Alpha Female went to the ducktor's and stayed there for a long time. Alpha Male did, too-he came back a few times, though.

Then, when Alpha Female came back, Alpha Male would not let me near her. He said he was afrayed that I would jump on Alpha Female and hurt her. I jumped on him and licked his chin to prove he culd trust me, but he did let me see her for a few days, and I was not allowed to sleep in the same room with Alpha Female. I barely saw her for over a week. Dat is furever! I was a sad doggie.

But now I get to sleep in da bed with Alpha Female again. I am hoppy.

I thought dat being a sighborg would make Alpha Female different, but she seems the same to me. I thought that she would have a lazy-er beam built in, so we could go hunt birdies and she could shoot dem and cook dem at the same time. I was wrong!

I am so hoppy Alpha Female is back and I can be by her again.

My cuzin Mary Ann came over, and we played. When We got tired, we lay down, and panted, and talked about the weadder.

"I do not understand why the snow stopped so quickly" she said.

"I made it stop, Mary Ann!"

"How did you do that, Sirwags?"

"Well, it's a bit of a long story..."

Da Big Dog causes a lot of the weadder. When feels like it, he pees all over the place, and da peepul call it rain. When he gets flaky, he shakes his flakes off and da peepul call it snow.

Peepul wold think it very gross if they found out what he does to make slush.

Once, he went to Boston and just pawed at the ground, and the peepul called that da Big Dig, and complained about it.

But I learned a secret. My Alphas have a friend who knows the language of Hungry, and there is a magic hungry word that can make big dogs listen.

So when it snowed so bad, I decided to use the magic hungry word.

It took me a while to find da Big Dog. I looked in the bed, but he wasn't there, and I got tired and fell asleep. Den I looked in the kitchen, but there was fud dere,, and I started asking the peepul for it, so I forgot. When I started looking outside of the house, I had to go to many places. I sought him on the street marked 111, and I sought him on the avenue marked 107, but I could not find dat dogged elusive Big Dogerel.

But I finally found him in the dog park. He was peeing all over it, so he could have it to himself, and all the doggies and their peepul were going home.

I called to him. "Big Dog, I am the mighty Sirwagsalot, chaser of birdies, bunnies and skwerls, snuggler in the bed sheets, cuddler in the couch, forager of counter fud, barker at badgers, and the best looking dog for miles around!"

Da Big Dog looked at me. "I am da Big Dog. When I pee, it goes everywhere. When I flake, it drops down, and peepul in their cars start to shiver and shake. When I bark, it's so loud dat lights flash in da sky. What busyness can you, you small skwerl poop, have with me?"

Da Big Dog was skerry, but I did not run away. "I want you to stop with da snow."

Da Big Dog laughed, and dere was lightning in da sky. "I will not stop. I am very flaky today and I have no peepul to comb me off. If you want me to stop,, make me!" And he turned his back on me and started flaking all over again.

But I knew the magic hungry word. so I said it.

Ül!

Dat is da magic hungry word that means "sit." Since doggies are always hungry, da words of people from hungry mean more dan words from udder peepul. And since I am a noble vizsla, a breed from hungry, I can use da hungry words.

Da Big Dog stopped and had to sit. And I made him stay, too. And that's how I stopped da snow.


....dat was da story I told Mary Ann.

While I talked, it started to rain.

"I'm a vizsla, too, sirwagsalot! That means I can use the magic hungry word! Let me outside, people!"

So Mary Ann barked and barked until the peepul let her out. I stayed in, and while she looked for da big dog I stole her bone.

Liddle doggies believe all sorts of silly stories. Dat is good, because it means us mature doggies can trick them and get a bit of a break from the liddle doggies. Oh, and take dere treats, because treats taste a lot bedder when you steal them from another doggie.

Alpha Female went to the ducktor for sirgery. Den she came back, and I couldn't jump on her, and Alpha Male told me "No!" when I went to jump in da bed with her.

But she went back to the ducktor and then I could be close to her again.

Alpha Male told me dat she had a temporary implant, and it worked, so she would get a permanent one.

I like plants! I pee on them and eat them. I think it will be good if Alpha Female has more plants.

But Alpha Male told me the implant was different, and when Alpha Female had a permanent one, she would be a sighborg.

Oh noes! I know what that means. Alpha Female will get silver things, and will become allergic to gold, and will have no use for me.

( pickher )

Alpha Male told me it doesn't really work like dat, and then I shouldn't think dat da science in Ducktor Hoo is all that accurate. But I am still nervous!