sirwagsalot

It is almost Lickmas! Dat means a tree!

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 10:41:48 GMT

It is da time of the da year when my peepul celebrate Lickmas.

Dat means dey wil put up a tree in da front room.

Da tree is very nice. Especially when it is 2 in da morning and Alfa Male doesn't want to get up to let me out.

O Lickmas Tree, O Lickmas Tree,
I really have to pee
Just stand there, in ornamented awe
while I lift my paw
O Lickmas Tree, O Lickmas Tree
tanks for being dere when I need to pee.

Dat's what I will do, I tink. Unless Alfa Male changes his mind and let's me out.

Night of da living bunny!

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 01:23:24 GMT

I saw da bunny tonight! But I killed him a while back, so dat means...he is a zombunny!

No, Alfa Male, I am not bringing you sticks because I want to play. I want you to take da wood and board up da windows so da zombunny does break in. Because if he does that he will want to eat all my fud!

Be vigil ants, peepul! Beware da zombunny!

I don't feel gud

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 11:08:44 GMT

I had bad pukies and poopies. I puked a different color, and dat made the Alfas worry.

Den I pooped, and da same color was in my poop.

Dat made Alfa Female very worried. Alfa Male was worried, too-he tried to be stowick, but I know he is even more nervous dan Alfa Female, becuz Alfa Female is smart and knows all about da anymal ducktor stuff, and he doesn't.

I will have to go to the Ducktor. I like da Duktor, but I don't like when she gives me shots.

I hope I get no shots today.

I squished da Bunny!

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 11:15:37 GMT

A few nights ago, I came into da house from my evening walkie, and Alfa Female noticed I was really happy. She asked Alfa Male why I looked so hoppy.

I said I could tell her why I was so hoppy, so I sung a song!

I squished da Bunny
Now please give me a doggy treat! oh!
I squished da Bunny
Now please give me a doggy treat! oh!
Yeah! all around in my home town,
He was hopping around;
Alfa Male said he'd bring me in
For a yummy doggy treat,
For the munch of a doggie treat.
And I say:

Oh, now, now. oh!
I squished da Bunny - da Bunny.
(I swear it was by da wrought-iron fence.)
Ooh, ooh, oo-oh yeah!
I say: I squished da Bunny - da Bunny.
(I swear it was by da wrought-iron fence.)
Yeah! (ooh, ooh, oo-oh) yeah!

I always hated dat Bunny,
For what, I dont know:
Every time Alfa Female plant a seed,
He ate it before it grow -
He ate dem before they grow.
And so:

Read it in the news:
I squished da Bunny - da Bunny.
(I swear it was by da wrought-iron fence.)
Where is my doggy treat? (oo-oo-oh)
I squished da Bunny - da Bunny.
(I swear it was by da wrought-iron fence.)

Walkies came my way
And I started on my rounds, yeah!
All of a sudden I saw da Bunny brown
Aiming to hop around down,
So I jumped - I jumped - I squished him down and I say:
I am glad da Bunny is gone away.

I squished da Bunny
But I still don't see my doggy treat,
I want my doggy treat (oh, no-oh), oh no!
I squished da Bunny. I did!
But I still don't have a doggy treat. oh! (oo-oo-ooh)

Reflexes had got the better of da Bunny
And what is to be must be:
Every day the bucket a-go a well,
One day the bottom a-go drop out,
One day the bottom a-go drop out.
I say:

I - I - I - I squished the Bunny.
Lord, give me my doggy treat. Yeah!
I - I squished da Bunny
Because I am a good doggie! Yeah! Yeah!

I was so proud of squishing da Bunny, and so proud of my song. But den Alfa Male reminded me dat Alfa Female can't hear, so I had to write dis down for her.

I squished da Bunny!

I am seven!

Thu, 14 May 2009 11:47:35 GMT

I am not totally shur on the date, but I will be seven years old on my birfday!

People see me on the street, and ask how old I am, and da Alfas tell dem that I am seven, and dey say "he looks so young!"

I have some white fur on my chin, but I am looking pretty good. I saw a better looking dog than me once, and I barked at him-but then I realized I was looking into a meeror.

For my birfday, I got lots of good fud. I am hoppy.

I like Sweetish meatballs

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 11:20:05 GMT

Alfa Female made Sweetish meatballs de udder day, and she put some of the Sweetish meatball sauce on my fud.

Oh, it was good! It made me want to move to Sweeten. Even if I would have to start saying "bjårk" instead of "bark," it would be worth it if dey put that sauce on my fud.

But I would not want to have to move to Iceyland. I would have to say "bjærk", and dere is no sauce. Just bits of shark dat tastes like da mop. Dat would not be good.

Stay out of my park!

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 11:15:02 GMT

Alfa Male took me for a walk last night. We got to my favorite place to poop-da park.

There was a horrible creature in the park. It has a cottony tail, and it hops.

A bunknee was in my park. I pointed and Alfa Male ran with me to where da bunny was. Da bunny hopped away. But not far away-he went about 10 feet away and was very still.

I barked and pulled on my leesh, and Alfa Male went with me again. Da bunny hopped away about 10 feet.

It was like he wasn't dat scared of me! I chased him out of my park. Next time I will catch him and make him into fud.

Maybe he is da Eatster Bunny. Eatster is done, though, so if I catch him he won't have all sorts of treets. But maybe he will have ham. If he gives me da ham I will let him off with a warning.

I like dis book

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 17:20:51 GMT

Books are funny tings. The Alfas have lots of them, and some of them have really interesting smells. Sometimes I lick dem.

I don't like da stories in most of them, though. Alfa Male likes to read dis red book that is about some small people who go wandering around with dis ring, and then they complain about not having food, and dis odder mean small person named Golly-M who follows dem, and den they throw da ring into a big place full of fire, and then dat's it.

Dat is a boring story. And not just because dere are no doggies in it!

But Alfa Male brought a book back from da librrary today dat I liked. It was all about a Vizsla who tries to tell his peepul about all da scary tings in da neighborhud.

Pay attention, Alfa Male! When I wake you up at 2 in da morning, I am warning you about the skwerl commandos hopping in da trees. And I want to go to pee-but you need to look out for da skwerl commandos when you take me out.

All of you peepul should read dat book. It is a good book. It should get da author a Nobel Pawrize for Literature.

Yum, acorns!

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 12:41:20 GMT

Hey skwerls, do you want some acorns? I here dat you guys can't find acorns. It's like some really smart doggie has hidded a lot of acorns so you have to come to his place to get acorns...or to get eated, ha ha ha!

Mmm, acorns are tasty.

Bring me fish, Alfa Male!

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 22:35:04 GMT

I was watching da news, and I saw a story about a doggy that ran into a shark! The doggy's person saved him.

I think Alfa Male needs to prove he can do da same. He should go to da See, and swim until he finds a Great Bite Shark. Den he should beat da shark up and drag it back. Alfa Female and me will stay on da land, far from da Great Bite Sharks. And when Alfa Male is done, I will have lots of fish to eat.

Ground control to Major Dog

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 19:43:37 GMT

Alpha Male likes to play a game made by the first B to go into space:it is all about da early days of space travel.

But it is incompleet, becuase dere are no doggie astronauts in it! Before peepul went into space, they sent doggies and monk-keys.

I wish I could be a space doggie, but first I have to take a nap.....

Ground control to Major Dog
Ground control to Major Dog
Eat your fud and put your helmet on

Dis fud is terrible! It is all goopy and..hmm, it tastes like chick-hen mixed with beef. I was wrong-dis fud is good.

Ground control to Major Dog
Commencing countdown, engines on
Check ignition and may gods love be with you

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five,
Four, three, two, one, liftoff

Oh, liftoff was not fun. It felt like it does when Alpha Male hits the gas petal in da car, except worse.

This is ground control to Major Dog
You've really made the grade
And the papers want to know whose swedders you wear
Now its time to leave the capsule if you dare

I dare! Becuz I really need to go outside!

This is Major Dog to ground control
I'm stepping through the door
And I'm floating in a most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today

Hmm-I have never seen dat stuff turn into spheres and float away before. Space is weird! But dere are no skwerls or bunnies here, so it is good, too.

For here
Am I sitting in a tin can
Far above da world
Planet earth is blue
And now I will poo

Though I'm past one hundred thousand miles
I'm feeling very still
And I tink my spaceship knows which way to go
Tell Alpha Female I love her very much

She knows!

I know she knows, but I have seen her in a few hours, and dat is furever. Who will lick her chin if I am not there? Alpha Male does that sometimes, but when he does, Alpha Female makes a face and den wipes it off right away.

Ground control to Major Dog
Since we're leaving you up there, it's time we'regone!
Can you hear me, Major Dog?
Can you hear me, Major Dog?
Can you hear me, Major Dog?

Leaving me up here? Did they do that to Laika? I don't think so. Oh, wait, they did! Dis is not goo.

Here am I floating round my tin can
Far above the moon
Planet earth is blue
And theres nothing I can do.
except hit the reentry button
I'll be down in a jiff, make me some mutton

Reentry is scarier den going up! I felt very sick to my tummy-but I saved dat until I saw da head of NASAA (National Aeronautics and Skwerl Abatement Administration), and den I puked on him. Dat's what you get for trying to leave doggies in space!

...Oh, dat was a weird dream. No more Frosty Paws before bed for me!

A spectre is haunting Sir Wags' backyard

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 21:03:09 GMT

Sir Wags just doesn't understand things like I do!

There are horrible, fierce beasts invading his backyard, flapping their wings of evil as they go.

"Butterfly." What a nice sounding name-and what an evil reality! I keep warning Sir Wags' people about them, and they just think it's funny.

It's not funny at all, I tell you! Some of them are basically flying poison! They must be stopped!

If no one else will stand and point out the truth, I will! Because I am a pointer, and that is my job.

I have to go-someone is eating food, and I am going to convince them to give me some.

I don't like bananas, but I like Banana dog

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 20:55:52 GMT

The Alphas have a lot of furends. One of them is the brown curly-haired lady. She has two peepul puppies named Gillian and Elliot. She lives with her mate in Florida, along with their doggie who used to try to beat me up when I was a puppy.

I like the brown curly-haired lady. She is nice!

Her litter was all girls, and she has a sister who is named after a birdy, and mate who is named after the color of my coat: Rust. I like the Birdy lady and Rust, but they have a doggie! That is Banana dog. They have a peepul puppy, too: her name is Isabeau.

Sunday, all of dose peepul came over with Banana dog! It was a lot of fun. I played with Banana dog and the peepul puppies! Dey are all nice peepul puppies. They stroke my coat, call me pretty, and they flapped my ears the way I like 'em flapped.

Banana dog is a good looking doggie-almost as good looking as I am on days where I'm not trying really hard.

I had fun! I hope those peepul and Banana dog come to visit again soon!

I like two nine dee

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 12:56:04 GMT

The Alphas packed stuff in da thing with wheels, and took me with. It was not so fun. Da AC in da thing with wheels is not working, so da windows are open. That was fun for a bit, because I could stick my head out da window, but we went on an Echspressway, and there was too much wind for me.

We drove for a while and then we went on two nin dee. Alpha Male hates two nine dee-he says it is always crowded and slow. He started barking and using funny words when we went on two nine dee.

But I was able to stick my head out with no problem,, I like two nine dee!

Two nine dee took us to Mary Ann's house. Her peepul are on a vacation, so Alpha Male and Alpha Female are watching her.

We played and ran around.

Dere is a kitty in this house, too. Mary Ann says the kitty does not want to play, but I tried to get it to play with me. I play bowed and wagged my tail and said "Be my fur-end, kitty!" The kitty said nothing, and moved away from me. Dat is sad. I like kitties.

ALpha Male fudded me, and Mary Ann was jealous. She wants my fud! I did not give her any, but I let her lick da bowl.

We will stay here for a week! I am hoppy.

Alpha Male is not da wurst

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 16:07:07 GMT

Alpha Male is trying really hard to get me to obey.

You want me to obey? Hah!

Alpha Male is really fat
compared to Alpha Female he's not all that!
But if she's not around
I'll play with him on the ground
Alpha Female always comes first
but Alpha male is not da wurst.
Mmm, wurst.

Alpha Male, I will roll over if you give me wurst. Or a milk bone!

Hoppy Eatster!

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 16:13:03 GMT

Hoppy Eatster! I know some peepul celebrate anudder howliday, but I forget the name of it. But hoppy udder holiday too!

On Eatster, da Eatster bun-knee comes hopping around to give peepul baskets full of fud.

I am going to catch him this year. Den I can make him fud. Dat will make the Alphas mad, but I think Alpha Male will forget he is mad when he sees all da fud lying around. Den he will eat it and be hoppy, and Alpha Female will be hoppy, too.

I want to be Pawresident!

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 02:50:34 GMT

Dere are places where doggies can be da Mare.

If a doggie can be da Mare, why can't a doggie be Pawresident?

I was thinking that I would tell peepul to vote for one person for Pawresident, but then I found his first name was "Barack," not "Bark."

I am thinking now dat I can be Pawresident. I have a simple platform.

Declaration of war on skwerls.
All bun-knees will be deported to New Mexico, and we will build a big bunny proof fence on da boreder with New Mexico, so de bun-knees will stay dere.
A lot of munny will be spent on doggie treats.
We will put a chicken in every doggies' fud bowl and a dog park behind every garage. Doggies who don't live in places with garages will be given one.
I believe in change-so da law will say that doggie wadder bowls must be changed every few hours.
No tacks! Tacks hurt when you step on dem, so read my lips, no tacks!
Skunks will be against da law!
Peepul worry dat dey are getting too fat. So peepul will have a little less fud, and doggies will get more.

I am not sure whether I should run as a Dogocrat or a Repawblican. Maybe both! But vote for me in November, and I promise to lick your chin!

Poor Germy doggies!

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 15:35:13 GMT

I have to wear boots in da winter.

I do not like da boots. Dey make my pheet fell funknee, and I like to kick them off so my feet can be fur-ree.

So I feel sorry for the Poleese doggies in Germyland. It's bad enough dey have to wear spiky hats, now they must wear boots.

Alpha Female is a sighborg

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 18:18:51 GMT

Alpha Female went to the ducktor's and stayed there for a long time. Alpha Male did, too-he came back a few times, though.

Then, when Alpha Female came back, Alpha Male would not let me near her. He said he was afrayed that I would jump on Alpha Female and hurt her. I jumped on him and licked his chin to prove he culd trust me, but he did let me see her for a few days, and I was not allowed to sleep in the same room with Alpha Female. I barely saw her for over a week. Dat is furever! I was a sad doggie.

But now I get to sleep in da bed with Alpha Female again. I am hoppy.

I thought dat being a sighborg would make Alpha Female different, but she seems the same to me. I thought that she would have a lazy-er beam built in, so we could go hunt birdies and she could shoot dem and cook dem at the same time. I was wrong!

I am so hoppy Alpha Female is back and I can be by her again.

The magic hungry word

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 11:40:10 GMT

My cuzin Mary Ann came over, and we played. When We got tired, we lay down, and panted, and talked about the weadder.

"I do not understand why the snow stopped so quickly" she said.

"I made it stop, Mary Ann!"

"How did you do that, Sirwags?"

"Well, it's a bit of a long story..."

Da Big Dog causes a lot of the weadder. When feels like it, he pees all over the place, and da peepul call it rain. When he gets flaky, he shakes his flakes off and da peepul call it snow.

Peepul wold think it very gross if they found out what he does to make slush.

Once, he went to Boston and just pawed at the ground, and the peepul called that da Big Dig, and complained about it.

But I learned a secret. My Alphas have a friend who knows the language of Hungry, and there is a magic hungry word that can make big dogs listen.

So when it snowed so bad, I decided to use the magic hungry word.

It took me a while to find da Big Dog. I looked in the bed, but he wasn't there, and I got tired and fell asleep. Den I looked in the kitchen, but there was fud dere,, and I started asking the peepul for it, so I forgot. When I started looking outside of the house, I had to go to many places. I sought him on the street marked 111, and I sought him on the avenue marked 107, but I could not find dat dogged elusive Big Dogerel.

But I finally found him in the dog park. He was peeing all over it, so he could have it to himself, and all the doggies and their peepul were going home.

I called to him. "Big Dog, I am the mighty Sirwagsalot, chaser of birdies, bunnies and skwerls, snuggler in the bed sheets, cuddler in the couch, forager of counter fud, barker at badgers, and the best looking dog for miles around!"

Da Big Dog looked at me. "I am da Big Dog. When I pee, it goes everywhere. When I flake, it drops down, and peepul in their cars start to shiver and shake. When I bark, it's so loud dat lights flash in da sky. What busyness can you, you small skwerl poop, have with me?"

Da Big Dog was skerry, but I did not run away. "I want you to stop with da snow."

Da Big Dog laughed, and dere was lightning in da sky. "I will not stop. I am very flaky today and I have no peepul to comb me off. If you want me to stop,, make me!" And he turned his back on me and started flaking all over again.

But I knew the magic hungry word. so I said it.

Ül!

Dat is da magic hungry word that means "sit." Since doggies are always hungry, da words of people from hungry mean more dan words from udder peepul. And since I am a noble vizsla, a breed from hungry, I can use da hungry words.

Da Big Dog stopped and had to sit. And I made him stay, too. And that's how I stopped da snow.

....dat was da story I told Mary Ann.

While I talked, it started to rain.

"I'm a vizsla, too, sirwagsalot! That means I can use the magic hungry word! Let me outside, people!"

So Mary Ann barked and barked until the peepul let her out. I stayed in, and while she looked for da big dog I stole her bone.

Liddle doggies believe all sorts of silly stories. Dat is good, because it means us mature doggies can trick them and get a bit of a break from the liddle doggies. Oh, and take dere treats, because treats taste a lot bedder when you steal them from another doggie.

Oh no! Alpha Female is turning into a Sighborg

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 15:30:48 GMT

Alpha Female went to the ducktor for sirgery. Den she came back, and I couldn't jump on her, and Alpha Male told me "No!" when I went to jump in da bed with her.

But she went back to the ducktor and then I could be close to her again.

Alpha Male told me dat she had a temporary implant, and it worked, so she would get a permanent one.

I like plants! I pee on them and eat them. I think it will be good if Alpha Female has more plants.

But Alpha Male told me the implant was different, and when Alpha Female had a permanent one, she would be a sighborg.

Oh noes! I know what that means. Alpha Female will get silver things, and will become allergic to gold, and will have no use for me.

Alpha Male told me it doesn't really work like dat, and then I shouldn't think dat da science in Ducktor Hoo is all that accurate. But I am still nervous!

Beoðog

Sun, 18 Nov 2007 19:05:53 GMT

Alpha Male went with his Sire and his sister (and his sister's mate) to see a moovie yesterday. It was something about a wolf, but Alpha Male really liked it, because he got home and wouldn't shut up about it. He kept talking about rings and cups and legends of the Germy peepul. He talked about some doggies who were all named Sig-something. I started nodding off, but it sounded like their breeder, some guy named Wo-tanned, was a very poor breeder. Alpha Female fell asleep, but Alpha Male kept talking and didn't notice. I fell asleep....

Hwæt wē Gar-Dogca in geār-dagum
þēod-cyniga þrym gefrūnon,
hū ðā dogcas ellen fremedon.

Then I woke up, cuz I couldn't understand a word in that dream. Alpha Male was still talking, about someone named Kullervo, and I fell back asleep...

A long time ago, there were some really impressive doggies, the Great Danes. They were ruled by a big, tough doggie named Hrothgrrr. He decided to build a fud house, which he called Herdit.

All of the Great Danes were hoppy, but there was someone who was not hoppy. He heard all the noise and the fun, and smelt all the fud, and he was MAD! He was Grendskwerl, cursed dweller in trees, the grinder of nuts dropped by men. He broke into Herdot and beat up a lot of doggies.

For 12 nights, Grendskwerl showed up and wrecked the party, wagging his bushy tail and stealing all the fud. Hrothgrrr, the Lord who barked indignantly, was a sad doggie.

But then, some doggies swam ashore by Hrothgrrr's yard. One of his doggies stopped them. "What is your name, and what is your business here? If it's number one or number two, find your own yard!" said the fierce guard doggie.

The leader of the swimming doggies said. "I hear you have a problem with a skwerl. I am the licker of chins, sneaker of butter (and sometimes pizza and steak) off the counter, chaser of bun-knees, cuddler under blankies. A Vizsla am I, but my tribe is the Eats, because when we see fud, we eats! I am...Beoðog!"

The guard doggie said "In that case, Hrothgrrr is that way."

And so Beoðog and his pack went up to Herdit. Hrothgrrr was glad to see them, but not all doggies in the Great Dane pack were. One of them, Unfurrth, Beta dog of Hrothgrrr's pack, growled.

"I have heard of you, Beoðog! They say you raced Barka across a pond, and lost! Some hero dog are you! I think Grendskwerl will steal all your fud and beat you up!"

The chaser of red dots across floors said "Well, Unfurrth, you have had you bark about me, though it was mostly bad fud talking. Yes, I raced Barka, and he came in first. But I had challenges he did not have! We swam, and I led, when from the bottom of the pond, rose a pike, which thought I was fud! I fought with the pike, and he bit, and snapped, but I was stronger, and he went into my belly. Then rose more fishies..bullheads, kittyfish, whitefish, nine in all, which I battled tooth and paw. And when it was done, I came out of the sea, exhausted, but with a full belly, and took a nap.

That is the story, Unfurrth! But I haven't heard many stories about you, except that when you were a puppy, you hogged all the fud from your dame, and didn't let your brudders get any. The truth is, Unfurrth, that if you could fight as hard as you can bark, Grendskwerl wouldn't be stealing all the fud from Hrothgrrr!"

Unfurth was mad, but he was a Chewhaha, all bark, little bite, so he laid down in a corner.

Beoðog and his furends went to Herdit, and waited for Grendskwerl. The stealer of steaks from counters took off his swedder. "Grendskwerl wears no swedder. I will face him, with nothing but my mighty paws and my wagging tail!"

Out in the shadows, Dog-cursed Grendskwerl came loping, sneaking, past the guard dogs, who were taking naps, because they were tire-red. In came Grendskwerl to Herdit, and with his great jaws, he bit into the fud of one of the Eats! Out spilled chick-hen, to be devoured by the chittering beast. But while the grinder of nuts fudded, the mighty sleeper on the feet of his Alphas rose and grabbed his bushy tail. Never before had Grendswkerl felt a grip so strong, for Beoðog was a mighty puller of sticks and player of bitey face, The cursed nut gobbler strained, and strained, and then-ran off, leaving his tail behind.

The next day, Hrothgrrr and his Great Danes were hoppy. They had a lot of fud, and one of them howled a story about Sigmutt, who fought a Dracoon. They hung up Grendskwerl's tail, and Hrothgrr gave Beoðog and his furends sticks and squeaky toys.

But out in the darkness, lurked another danger. Even skwerls have mommies (but not Alpha Females!), and Grendskwerl's mommy was not happy. She ran into Herdit, beat everyone up, ate all the fud, and took Grendskwerl's tail back with her.

Hrothgrrr was a sad doggie. He told Beoðog that Grendskwerl's mommy lived in a really stinky swamp. "Mmm, stinky!" said Beoðog. "No, not a good stinky" said Hrothgrrr. "This is a bad stinky, and doggies don't like it."

Beoðog made ready to go fight Grendskwerl's mommy, and as he went to go, Unfurrth came up, with a big stick, a strange stick, which had runes reading ᛚᚩᚢᛁᛋᚡᛁᛚᛚᛂ ᛋᛚᚢᚵᚵᛂᚱ. "This stick is called Bunt-thing, and it will help you fight Grendskwerl's mommy." Beoðog thanked Unfurrth for the stick, and they were fur-ends after that.

Then Beoðog went to the den of Grendskwerl's mommy. He had to swim under the wadder to get to it, because Grendskwerl's mommy was an odder, and odders love the wadder.

Grendskwerl's mommy was waiting, and she grabbed Beoðog and dragged him to her den, while all sorts of fishies attacked. In her den were all the toys she and Grendskwerl had stolen from doggies, a mighty horde of fun stuff. She bit at beoðog, and he hit her over the head with Bunt-thing..but it burr-oke! Beoðog was worried, but then, on the wall, he saw a mighty stick, but not a stick made of wood. It was made of metal, and it bore runes which read ᚪᛚᚢᛙᛁᚾᚢᛙ.

"I need to learn to read those funny ledders," thought Beoðog. But he took the metal stick off the wall and bonked Grendskwerl's mommy on the head with it, and she was not a problem anymore. He took Grendskwerl's tail and swam back out.

All the doggies were hoppy, even Unfurrth, although Unfurrth wasn't hoppy to lose the Bunt-thing. But Beoðog gave him some toys from Grendskwerl's mommy's house and Unfurth was hoppy.

Hrothgrr gave everyone fud and they drank a lot of wadder. Then Hrothgrr let Beoðog mark a tree right after him, and said that Beoðog deserved to be Alpha Male of his pack.

Then Beoðog went back to the land of the Eats, and before long, they made him their Alpha Male, after Howhestinks, their king, went to the Rainbow Bridge. For a long time, he ran the pack, and they played bitey face, chased bun-knees, and barked at skwerls.

Then came a dracoon. Some doggie, hungary, raided the dracoon's den and stole a gargbage can. The dracoon woke, and came into Beoðog's yard, and knocked open the stealer of butter off the counter's garbage can, leaving cooked chick-hen bones all over the place. That was bad, because cooked chick-hen bones are not good for doggies.

So the mighty snuggler under the blanket went to face the dracoon, with his pack, and his fur-end Waglaf. "I wish I was still a frisky young doggie, like I was when I fought Grendskwerl. But I am old, so I will wear a swedder."

And so, mighty Beoðog went to face the dracoon. It came out, growling, covered in trash, and all of the doggies except Waglaf andBeoðog ran away. Beoðog bit at the dracoon, and he had the dracoon's head in his mighty jaws....

And then I woke up! Alpha Male was still talking, so I went back to sleep.

The tale of the first doggie to live with peepul

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 22:02:33 GMT

My cousin Mary Anne came over for a week! That was fun, but I was kind of glad when she went back with her Alpha Male.

We played a lot, but she bugged me a lot, too. I had to explain her place in the higherarchy to her a few times.

Me
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Mary Ann

She didn't like that idea, so I explained other things to her, like the secret history of the vizslas. This was one of the stories I told her.

Long, long ago, so long ago that peepul lived in caves instead of houses, doggies were different. Doggies were more like wolves or keyeotes than doggies are now. They wandered around from place to place, looking for fud.

But one day, a really smart doggie said "Peepul have fud. We can cut a deal with dem, where they give us fud, and we guard their houses. Dat's right-they'll give us fud for taking naps in their houses!"

He decided to show peepul that he was a fur-end by licking them on the face, the way he did with other doggies.

There was one problem. He was a vizsla, which meant he was a smart doggie. But he wasn't a vizsla like today...he was a Dire Sabre-toothed Vizsla (also known as a smilodog).

So when he licked peepul on the face, he stuck them with his sabre teeth a lot, and they didn't think that was something a fur-end would do.

He was a sad doggie for a few days, but then, he saw a horrible creature attacking some peepul...a Dire Sabre-Toothed Skwerl! he ran up and chased it away, and the people knew he was a fur-end after that.

Then he moved in with the peepul, and slept in their houses, keeping away horrible beasts like the dreaded Cave Bunny. That's how peepul and doggies started living together.

5 years with the peepul!

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 16:19:20 GMT

Five years ago, I met my peepul! Alpha Female was there, and she took me home with her. Alpha Male was there, too, but he did not live with Alpha Female then.

I was with some other peepul before that, but they gave me back to the person who bread me. I don't remember much about them, except they had another doggy who was mean and would not share his fud with me. I got bit once by that doggy, and I have a scar to prove it.

Alpha Female is so good to me. She made me a champion, she teaches me tricks, she lets me play with other doggies, and she gives me yums!

Alpha Male is good too, but not anywhere near as good as Alpha Female.

I am a hoppy doggy. Hoppy because I have been with my Alphas for five years, and hoppy because I am looking forward to the next five years.

I'm also hoppy because Alpha Male gave me some steak for breakfast.

Hello peepul!

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 15:22:50 GMT

Hello peepul! I am Sirwagsalot's cousin, Mary Ann. I am visiting him right now, and we are having fun. I am sad, though, because he won't share his fud with me. It smells so good!

We are both sad because I sleep in a krate at night, and he sleeps with his peepul. We'd rather play all night.

Sirwagsalot is teaching me all sorts of tricks. I've learned that when peepul eat dinner, doggies are supposed to bug the heck out of them until the peepul give up some peepul fud. It doesn't work too well for me, but Sirwagsalot says I should do it to his Alpha Male, because his Alpha Male is a wimp. That trick will never work on my Alpha Male.

There are all sorts of things around here. There are these horrible things that hop around, called bun knees. When I see them, they make me mad. I run after them and say "Growf." Sirwagsalot says he hasn't caught one yet, but the other doggies in the nayborhud say that bun knees make good fud.

Oh, it's time to go outside to play! I will write to you later, peepul!